My God, I loveyou!

This was not a declaration of undying romantic love. This was a declaration I saw pinned up on the softboard of a friend when I was in college. It puzzled me then, but I kept my puzzlement to myself. It was after all private territory for anyone, and I did not mean to pry.

I have had several friends who have been very devoted to the pursuit of God. There were those who kept elaborate and numerous fasts, and did plenty of pujas for various gods. There were those who visited temples,or churches or mosques, everyday. There were those who donated insanely rich items to temples like silver armaments, gold ornaments for the diety, rich silks and drapes to decorate the sanctum of temples. I have known those who gave freely to charity as a means of reaching God through service to man. I have seen a family embrace me and my safety as they would their own daughter for not to do so would be a violation of their faith, in that they felt that a promise given is one given to the Lord, and its fulfilment a means to reach the divine.

I have watched devotees spend hours decorating the area where they would sing devotional songs, becase they believed the Lord would come and listen to them as they sang, and the place would have to be worthy. I have heard of miracles like appearance of ashes at the foot of idols and pictures of dieties as a mark of blessing, idols drinking milk, miraculous cures and the like.

I too have searched and known God's infinite love and grace. In my search, I have tried all manner of seeking: prayer, chanting, fasting, meditation, reading of spiritual books, et al. I have felt a supreme protective shell housing me in times of deep despair, carrying me through. To me, though I know not what that was, it is a touch of the miraculous, the divine.

I do not know whether there is a God, and what form he or she takes. What renunciation is, and the meaning of renunciation and detachment as a means to reaching a higher goal. What piety demands in infinite rituals, and sacrifices and self flagellations: both real and psychological.

I do know there is a Supreme Divinity who holds us all in Love, and though I cannot be detached and I cannot renounce and I cannot meditate, I can rejoice in the blessings I have, and thank It/Him/Her. I can love It/Him/Her. I can draw strength from it, be humble when I bring my thoughts to that center, and build my life around an anchoring belief in the Supreme. As long as I can do my job, and understand that It/He/She will take care of the big picture, of the infinite causal relationships and their effects that comprises this vast creation, in a manner that may not always be best as I understand it in my limited wisdom, but as It/He/She does in their Infinite wisdom. Letting go of fervent wishes for this or that, submitting in humility to the Plan, and trusting and having faith.

Its simple but infinitely difficult to do. And it may not be correct or the Truth. I do not seek the Truth, I seek an anchor and a solace in a life where I have been uprooted and thrown to the winds very often. And I find it in my faith as I understand it.

Its as simple as speaking to a parent like figure and saying "My God, I love you!"