Been away..back now

I haven't been able to write for a while, for the usual reasons. But it is nice to be back. We have managed to move house and I am in love with the new place, although we have had to lock it up for a bit until we can get back to India. But the few days I spent there, waking up at dawn to see a briliant sunrise, to hear birds chirping outside my window, especially the koyal or the cuckoo, to hear the wind rustling the leaves in the trees despite the mad, mad, MAD construction noises.....I hope we live there for some years. I want to.

Despite some very turbulent times I have had in the past few weeks, I am carrying some inner calm, if not peace. Times still are turbulent. Family members are sick, or recovering, and anxiety on their behalf occupies my mind. But there is only so much I can do to agitate myself and I think I have crossed that threshold.

When I fel the calm rippling inside me I tell myself that I love my family, and I cannot please everyone all the time. I have decided to stop trying to, hard. I will always love, and I hope not to hurt. And if that is enough, then I am happy. If it isn't I have to learn to be happy with that imperfection, and keep trying. I can be me, and I can hope that is enough. I can stretch myself, but not to a point when I cannot recognise my image. There is so much I can do, and I will do it, and bit more, but not too much more than that. I pray it is enough.